


Sailor Radio

by 1337nik



Series: SML Challenges [11]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Community: sailormoonland, Crack, Gen, Language, Radio, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-14 02:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1337nik/pseuds/1337nik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inners are invited to do a radio drama. What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sailor Radio

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** Write a SM flash drama.
> 
>  **Warnings:** Mature language.
> 
>  **Timeline / Spoilers:** R - S?
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** _Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon_ is property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha, and Toei Animation.
> 
> This piece won ALL THE PLACES in the _Flash Drama_ challenge during Battle IX at [SML](http://sailormoonland.livejournal.com).

NARRATOR  
A long, long time ago, on a planet far far away -

SAILOR MARS  
By which of course you mean, Earth, 4 PM yesterday (Tokyo time)

NARRATOR _(Coughs and stammers)_  
Yes, well, fine, little Miss Spoils – The – Mood . . . 

NARRATOR _(Continuing, sarcastically)_  
Yesterday . . . _(normally)_ Earth’s mightiest hero, Sailor Moon, valiantly . . .

SAILOR MOON  
 _(Audibly snores over the narrator.)_

NARRATOR  
. . . uh, valiantly . . . battled . . .

MOON  
 _(Snores continue)_

NARRATOR _(Sighs, frustrated)_  
Look, if she’s not even going to try –

SAILOR MERCURY _(Whispers loudly)_  
Psst! Sailor Moon! 

MOON  
 _(More snoring)_

LUNA / MARS  
USAGI!

MOON _(Waking up)_  
Wha -? I’m here, I’m awake. Hi.

NARRATOR _(Continuing with script)_  
Earth’s mightiest hero, Sailor Moon –

MOON  
Hey, where’s that voice coming from?

VENUS  
We agreed to do a radio drama, remember?

MOON _(Excited)_  
Really? Are we getting paid?

JUPITER  
Well, they’re providing lunch –

MOON  
WHERE?? I’m so hungry!

MARS  
You’re always hungry.

MOON _(Wails and cries over the next few lines)_  
Reeeeeeeei! 

TUXEDO KAMEN  
Maybe we should take five so Sailor Moon can regain some composure.

NARRATOR  
I get paid by hour so take all the time -

DIRECTOR _(Through a speaker)_  
Actually, we changed your contract. Now you get paid by the word. 

NARRATOR _(Over Director)_  
What!? How is this legal? I’m calling my lawyer, I’m going to sue your ass!

DIRECTOR _(Over Narrator)_  
As in, the amount of words that we can use for this drama. So far you’ve given us less than twenty. 

_(Luna, Moon and Mars, and the Narrator and Director argue over each other.)_

VENUS _(Reading her lines stiffly)_  
Sailor - Moon! Watch – out – there – is – another – monster –

JUPITER  
Venus, what are you doing?

VENUS _(Giggles nervously)_  
Practicing. I’m camera – shy.

MERCURY  
We’re on radio. They can’t see us.

ARTEMIS  
How can you be an idol if you get stage fright?!

VENUS _(Shouting angrily)_  
Everyone gets scared with the spotlight burning on their face, okay?

_(Venus and Artemis argue and get absorbed in the din – the following all blends together.)_

MOON  
You think I’m fat!

MARS  
You wouldn’t be fat if you didn’t think about sweets all the time!

TUXEDO KAMEN  
She has a point. Maybe we could go for more walks.

MOON _(Wailing again)_  
You think I’m fat too??

TUXEDO KAMEN  
Oi, Usako . . .

DIRECTOR  
You’ll never work in this town again!

NARRATOR  
You know what? 

_(She slams headphones down, her voice fades as she storms away.)_

NARRATOR  
I don’t need this! I don’t need you! I’m moving to America where they appreciate their on – air personalities and pay them enormous wages, because they recognise talent!

 _(The door slams.)_

LUNA  
Sailor Moon, be careful, don’t activate your Sonic Waves over the air!

VENUS  
You little bastard, Artemis! I’ll keep you locked in my trailer while I meet all the celebrities!

MERCURY _(Into the mic)_  
Mr. Director, may we pick this up another day?

JUPITER  
It’s a wonder we manage to defeat the enemy at all.

TUXEDO KAMEN  
Usako, let’s go.

MOON  
But Jupiter said there was lunch!

MARS  
Is that all you think about? You wasted this man’s time and you still want to take his food?

MOON  
 _(Starts to scream before the mic cuts out.)_


End file.
